About “Still Life with Existentialism” & “A Cup O’ Kindness”

1. What was your motivation for writing “Still Life with Existentialism” & “A Cup O’ Kindness”? 

The older I’ve gotten, the more enmeshed in thoughts of futility, existentialism, and absurdism I’ve become. I don’t necessarily like this about myself; I miss the spontaneity, naiveté, and unwavering hopefulness of youth. Sometimes when I write about these more negative things, I can expel them from myself for a while. Also, writing about them sometimes helps me see they aren’t as negative as I fear. For example, “Still Life” helped me become more present in the moment with my loved ones.

Conversely, “Cup O’ Kindness” stems from what I call adult-onset seasonal affective disorder, which strikes me particularly hard between the end of Christmas and the beginning of the New Year. Every year, between December and January, I endure a strong bout of melancholy. It’s a dichotomous experience – I’m usually surrounded by loved ones, imbibing both love of the moment and spirits, but simultaneously hyper-cognizant of finality – the transitory nature of all things.

2. What challenges—if any—did you have writing your poem and creative nonfiction piece?

Being honest. Being secure enough in myself to allow these true feelings to come out without worrying after what the people in my life might think. I find as I get older, I am becoming increasingly more honest in my writing. 

3. What is your favourite line—if any—in “Still Life with Existentialism”?

“I jealously swirl my fingers in his warmth and stare into the empty kitchen.”

4. What is your favourite line—if any—in “A Cup O’ Kindness”?

“It’s a sad reminder
you keep getting handed 
the same damn drink,
and it never tastes any better,
but you suck it down anyway”

5. What do you want people to walk away with after reading “Still Life with Existentialism” & “A Cup O’ Kindness”?

That it’s ok to live with doubt and fear. I think both pieces are my attempt to employ Keats’ theory of Negative Capability – that imagination makes humans “capable of being in uncertainties, Mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason.” I think people, especially in American Culture, are raised to think they should never dwell on negative emotions. If there’s not an unhealthy obsession with them, I believe they can help us see more deeply into the beauty of life. 

6. Is there anything else you would like to talk about regarding “Still Life with Existentialism” & “A Cup O’ Kindness” that hasn’t been asked?

I’m happy to say that, as of this writing, my father-in-law is doing well, my dog still takes me for a daily walk, and I’ve not driven to the Golden Gate Bridge.

Reading

1. What are you currently reading?

Right now, I’m prepping for the lit class I’m teaching this semester, so I’m refreshing myself on stuff like Caedmon’s Hymn, Beowulf, Astrophil and Stella, Paradise Lost, and the like. 

2. Do you have a favourite book? If so, what is it?

Just one?! OK, if you insist! John Irving’s The World According to Garp. With this book, Irving taught me that writing can be more than just an exercise of getting from point A to point Z with the plot – that nothing in writing must follow established formula, and that sometimes surrealism is the better way to go. I tried to pay homage to Irving in my recently published short story: The Box at the Top of the Closet. Look it up for an odd scare. 

3. What is your favourite poet or author, if any?

I have several what I call foundational poets/writers, in other words, the ones who helped shape the core of my writing: Sharon Olds, Ted Hughes (specifically his work on Crow), Donna Tartt, Li Young Lee, Gary Soto, Mark Z. Danielewski, Jeanette Winterson, and I could go on and on.

4.  Do you gravitate towards reading genres outside the ones you write?

Certainly! And I venture well outside of literature altogether. I consume massive quantities of art. I’m constantly looking at, watching, listening to, and documenting art. I save images that my brain won’t let go. I write down snippets of phrases that push buttons in my imagination. I listen to a wide-ranging soundtrack of music genres while I drive. I talk about it all to synthesize the details, colors, textures, sounds, etc. I look at and reread things spontaneously. Often, I purposefully look at, listen to, or think of a piece of art before bed and instruct myself to dream about it — to live in it. 

But when I sit down to write, I take nothing with me except a pen or keyboard. Voices and images flood my mind, and they start interacting with each other as I stare off into space. Eventually, the writing hand begins to move.

Writing

1. Why do you write?

Because the words haunt my thoughts if I don’t write them down. 

2. What do you love about being a writer and poet?

The connection to “otherness.” When writing, I travel through what I call the Darkland of creativity. For me, it’s an uncharted, preternatural place filled with energy and flashes of thought. Sometimes it’s a stormy coastline. Other times it’s a shadowy mountain range, but just as often it’s a barren wasteland filled with dry bones. Having gone there so often, the door is permanently open just enough for the flashes and storms of thought to rain into my day-to-day life. I can’t give that up. I don’t think I could endure life without it. 

3. What time of the day do you write, and do you have a writing routine?

I really should get better at establishing a routine. I always mean to, but then I make concessions for work or the other necessities of life. That said, I tend to write best late at night or late afternoon. Regardless, the urge to write is always there.

4. Where do you get your ideas from?

A lot of ideas come to me when I take my dog, Grummle, for his evening walk. He is very curious and will sit and stare at people/things that catch his attention. A car goes by, he’ll stop to watch it. A garage door opens; he’ll sit down and watch whoever is in there while they move stuff around. I’ve long since gotten over being embarrassed by his nosiness. Now I use it to my advantage and notice things I never would otherwise. What is that strange blue light coming from that window? What did that person just say to their kid? What would that sound like in conversation between two adult characters? The ideas come from everywhere. Something will hit me in just the right way, and it will produce a line of story or poetry in my head. If it’s something significant, then my brain starts building on it, and that’s when I know I need a piece of paper or a computer ASAP.

5. How long does it take you to write your projects?

It varies between poetry and prose, but usually quickly. The first draft of a poem can be finished within minutes – the first draft of a story, maybe a week or two. But it’s the revision that takes longest. Fleshing out a thing, adding, subtracting, or otherwise modifying details can take months or years. To a degree, nothing I write is really finished if I keep going back to it.

The work published in this issue is no different. “Still Life” took a month to finalize across two drafts. “A Cup O’ Kindness” took five years. The first two drafts of it were written in January of 2020.

6. What advice would you give to other authors/writers/poets?

Don’t give up! Keep listening to creativity’s voice and writing down what it says. Keep shaping and revising your stuff. Keep sending it out! Most importantly, believe in your own writing – you are the only person required to like your stuff. Don’t just like it, love it. You’re writing the best stuff on the planet. Try not to let self-doubt make you stop believing it (if you figure out how to do that, let me know). Also, get a dog and let it take you for long walks. Or volunteer at your local animal shelter and walk theirs!

7. What project(s) are you currently working on?

Every year, around Halloween, I write an annual “ghost story”, but circumstances put me behind in recent years. I’m still trying to finish the stories from 2023 and 2024. I thought 2025 would slip by without a new story, but I surprised myself and managed to complete a story over the course of two weeks in November. I’m still revising it, but the point is the main bones of the thing are down on the page, and now I can (hopefully) finesse it to publication. Otherwise, I need to get back to those two unfinished stories that are hanging over my head!

In the meantime, I continue to send out individual submissions. However, I have two poetry collections I’d love to publish this year. One of them I’ve never sent out, but the other has struck out twice, so I’d like to finesse both to publication.